The Jessinatrix 5000

Having a weak moment

2008-03-05T21:09:00.001-06:00

So, I just need to get this out of my system.
Anyone who bothers to read this don't read into it, I just need to get it out.

So here's the deal.
You know how there are sometimes little magazine questionnaires that ask how depressed you are? Among the questions are: How many times a week do you consider killing yourself.
Well, that question's wasted on me. The more appropriate question is: How many times a day?
Fact of the matter is, it's ever-present. And, to be perfectly blunt, it pretty much never leaves my head.

I have to admit it's gotten to the point where I've tried to figure out, logistically, how to make it happen without leaving those behind to wonder why I did it. More specifically, I've tried to figure out how to hire someone to end me so that those left behind wouldn't have to wonder about suicide. Leave it to a senseless murder and have it at that.
Bottom line: I'm a coward. God knows I've tried to off myself in the past. Many, many years ago, but not recently and, as much as I'm ready to be done, I just can't do it.

We'll leave it at that.
Fret not, whoever reads this.
I'm still here and I'll probably delete this soon enough. I just needed to get it down, to 'fess up.

Unexpected memories and kindness

2008-02-09T22:57:00.001-06:00

When I was in high school, I remember doing a project for my Psychology class. My partner and I had decided to test a rudimentary form of altruism and to what extent it may exist in the general public. We dropped envelopes around all over town. Some near post boxes, some not. Some with postage, some without. And we subsequently would see how many of them we ultimately received in the mail. Some were simply dropped in the mail by kind passers-by. Others were picked up, given the proper postage and mailed. And so on and so forth.

Anyway, onto my current experience.
My senior year of college, during January of 1996, I went on a month-long trip arranged by our Classics department, to be spent in different parts of Italy. I was an art-history major, but managed to find a spot in this program, if only out of a desperate need to get to Italy. My eternal enduring love.
During this month, we were instructed to maintain a journal of our experiences that we would have to turn in at the end of the month, along with an additional project that was relevant to our experience in Italy. I ultimately turned in my journal and a small wooden sculpture that served double duty with a (go figure) sculpture class I was taking during the Spring term.

I go downstairs to get the mail today and find a large manila envelope addressed to me from the once familiar zip code of 55105 - the address for Macalester College.

Some person who now worked in the Classics department, came upon my journal from twelve years ago, tracked down my current address, and mailed me my journal.
Granted, it was only twenty-six days of memories, but still, so many that came flooding back in a way that photos can only glimpse without providing context.
It's been a bizarre evening for me. Thumbing through it, marveling at, along with how neat my handwriting once was (back when both hands worked) how different my perception of just about everything was. I also definitely saw the pretention in some of my entries. The concerted effort to sound more intelligent that I was/am. I know I do that still, but hell, what can you do?

In any case. It was so far out from expected. Just crazy. And wonderful.
Did you ever see the movie Amelie? When she finds the box of a young boy's memories and tracks him down to anonymously give it to him? I know this is nothing so profound as a childhood keepsake, but nonetheless, I have a great debt of gratitute to offer this anonymous benefactress.

Ok. It's been a long day.
And it's Truck Day! Equipment for Spring Training is on it's way to Florida for the Red Sox!
In case you were wondering, yes, I mourned for the Patriots' loss. But I'm over it and ready for a new season of baseball.
Woo hoo!

Pinball machine in my head

2008-01-17T20:59:00.000-06:00

Ah, the joy of an MRI.
Hadn't had one in more than a year, but given my recent inability to walk, see, or use one of my hands, it seemed about time.
Nothing terribly new thus far, of course, I won't get the results for a bit.
However, good gravy, boy does it suck to have to take out piercings and put them back in after a three hour spell. Lots of alcohol swabs.
Not to mention me, with my tendency towards giddiness, giggling when the machine sounded particularly pinball-machine-esque. Yeah, didn't exactly speed up the process.

Ah well. Assuming the worst. Hoping for the best. The body hasn't exactly been cooperating lately so I don't have the greatest expectations this time around.

Anyway, here's hoping. It's not like I have any specific goals, but things are finally happening for people in my family that I'd like to see, so I'd like to be around for them.

My Halloween

2008-01-03T15:07:00.000-06:00

That's what I tend to call New Years.
It's the one day of the year that I don't dress like the butchest straight chick I know.

So, complete with contacts, skirt, unsensible shoes and (gasp!) makeup, I made my way to a nearby bar to hang out with some friends and ring in the new year.

All in all a pretty good night. Drank far too much - go figure - this is what happens when you pay forty bucks to drink for five hours.

Also made the final move in a little dance I'd been doing with one of the regulars that I hang out with. Not a bad night. I mean really, who doesn't like to start the new year off by getting laid, right? Although it did make for one of the longer walks of shame I've made in recent years, especially considering it had snowed, it was now 10AM and I was still dressed up, if a little disheveled. Ah well, the price you pay.

What else. Well, did make it to Massachusetts for the holidays to see family, so that went well enough. One of the first times in several years that there was a lot of snow on the ground. Extremely picturesque and time with the family was pretty enjoyable. Not to mention I made it through the holidays without gaining weight. Actually, I weigh ten pounds less than I did at Halloween so progress is being made. It's a bonus that it's chilly out and I've been subsisting on soups - comforting yet low fat.

That's about it for me.
I know I haven't been posting lately but really, there hasn't been that much to post about. Not to mention I still can't see very well so it's not the easiest thing to sit and try to type accurately.
Don't know when I'll be back, but if nothing else, I have my blogger account to I can comment at other sites, which one day I'll get around to doing as well.

That didn't take long

2007-11-14T15:52:00.000-06:00

Needless to say, the whole gung-ho attitude for going to the gym has gone by the wayside.
I'll still try to go, but posting about it has proven to be too deflating to my ego when I fail.
So much for that.

In other news - there isn't any.
Tired. Toenail-less. And all-around sore all the time.
I'm not sure what's going on lately, but everything hurts. Even my skin, which is weird.
I mean, I'll walk, and that hurts. But I'm used to that. But now, where my legs hurt, the skin all along stings, almost burns. And this is the case everywhere - arms, back etc.
Just odd. No rash. No allergy. Just. Pain. Sux.

Anyway, so I'm staying in and sulking a lot..

On the bright side - the Patriots are still undefeated and are playing again this weekend after a bye week. And the Celtics are undefeated too. Granted, they've played fewer games this season so far than the Pats but still, off to a nice start. So greatful for the distraction of sports.
Good times.

Week One - Day Six

2007-11-03T09:46:00.000-05:00

Clearly I need new sneakers.
I am now without two toenails, the ones that had blisters formed under them.
Now they really hurt. Something fierce.
So no gym today. This really sucks actually. I almost ended up going yesterday anyway but by the time I strengthened my resolve, it was late enough that it would be dark out when I would be on my way home. As we all know, Jess's brain doesn't let her eyes work in the dark, even with headlights, so that plan was axed. Groceries were purchased and that was about it.

For the rest of the weekend, there really seems to be no reason not to be hermetically sealed in my apartment.
Seeing as how Boston seems to be the center of the sports universe, I have access to everything from here.
Last night I was able to keep track of the Celtics kicking ass in their opener.
Today, the Boston College game'll be on network tv.
Tomorrow, that Pats-Colts - the most hyped game ever - will be on network tv.
Plus, as a bonus, so is the Vikings game right before it.

So really, except for running out of booze and beer, there's really no need to leave the house this weekend, and if I do, well, CVS is just a limping block away.

Postscript: Ok, started to feel really shitty about myself so I went to the gym and gave it a shot.
Only made it 2.17 miles before I had to stop, but hey, I tried. At least now I won't have not exercised two days in a row and it'll be ok for me to not go tomorrow in celebration of, you know, football!

Week One - Day Five

2007-11-02T13:20:00.001-05:00

Giving the toe a break.
Stupid blister. Popped, but now extra tender.

If nothing else, I'll walk to the grocery store instead of taking the car, so that's almost a mile round trip.
Pfeh.
Tomorrow. Promise.

Week One - Day Four

2007-11-01T15:17:00.000-05:00

4.28 miles treadmilling today.

I've been trying to ease my way into walking a little faster.
I have my iPod shuffle dealie-bob, and have been using it to tell me when to speed up or slow down. Speed up for a song, recover for a song. So it may vary from day to day how far I'm going, but variety is good, yes?

Like I said, still not walking too fast, but at this point I'm happy to be moving again and not miserable as a result the day after.
Although I have developed the most irritating blister. It's not on my heel or on my toe. It's under my toenail. Hurts, man.

Week One - Day Three

2007-10-31T14:12:00.000-05:00

4.25 miles on the old treadmill.
Thought I wouldn't make it there at first. After a half hour or so thought I was fading really fast. Slowed down, recovered and continued. Around the three mile mark started to feel pretty damn good.

Still not walking all that fast, but nonetheless, giving it a go.

Good Girl! Now, new plan

2007-10-30T13:56:00.000-05:00

Ok, so until I have something worth writing about with regards to my life, I'm going to make a concerted effort to hold myself accountable for this whole newfangled exercise idea.
I'm also going to be a little more realistic to start. Shooting to lose fifty pounds for now. If I can manage that, then maybe I'll rekickstart things and go for that last thirty (although another forty-five would be ideal, but my body hasn't allowed that weight since I was in middle-school, so who are we kidding?).

I'm probably just going to jot down distance for cardio since, well, I'm not ready to go whole hog on the weight machines, although I will be doing the free weights at home, just not keeping track here.

So ok. Here goes. Since I went to the gym yesterday, this is now:

Week One - Day Two

4.19 miles on the old treadmill.

What I'm actually a little more proud of is the drive home. Bear with me.
Today is free taco day at Taco Bell - thanks to Jacoby Ellsbury stealing a base during the World Series.
Today is also crazy cheap hamburgers and cheeseburgers at McDonald's.

I drove past both. I stopped at neither. Thank you very much.
May not sound like a lot to some, but for me, who is made hungry simply by the power of suggestion, it's pretty damn good.

Now that I'm home, showered and chipper, well, I guess it's time for a salad.
*sigh*

One more time!

2007-10-30T08:03:00.000-05:00

This pic just made me too happy not to share.

The parade in Boston is today.

Now, back to the Patriots.

That's about it for now. Still need to get that tattoo I promised myself in 2004 after the Sox won. Among other things, now that I won't be at a bar four days a week to watch baseball, it's time to start hitting the gym again.

The car works. The body's trying to follow suit. Went yesterday, got my four miles in and feel less achy this morning than I thought I would.

Who knows, maybe I'll go again, after all, I only have eighty more pounds to lose, right?

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!

2007-10-29T11:21:00.000-05:00

We Won! Red Sox won!

happy happy tired happy.

Oh, and the Patriots are ripping apart anyone who thinks they may have a chance against them.
It's a damn good day to be a Boston sports fan.

Honestly, if I weren't a die-hard fan, I'd hate them all soooooo much.
Good thing I'm a fan. So damn giddy!

Big Game Hunters

2007-10-22T10:11:00.000-05:00

Between the Red Sox and the Patriots, that was the best Sunday I've had in I don't know how long.

First the utter trouncing and show of domination by Brady and the Pats (he threw for 6 SIX TD's) against the now 0-7 Dolphins.

Then, after I had time to switch from Patriots gear to Red Sox gear, the completion of the down 3-1 comeback of my precious Sox. In the end, kicking the living shit out of the Indians. I almost feel sorry for them, they were so close. Almost.

Most enjoyable, I spent the last hour of the game on the phone with my brother and, through background noise, my sister-in-law, who is almost as stark raving mad about the Sox as I am.
For lack of fans in a bar, this was the best way for me to savor last night.
The two of us discussed our fantastic rookies and the huge impact they've had, our shared loathing of Julio Lugo - I mean really, has he been on the take this whole time? No? Really? You're sure?
And, in the end, screaming happily as we were all three of us tipsy and giddy as all get-out.
Your American League Champions, ladies and gentlemen.

*sigh* Happy sigh, by the way.
Oh, there you are, contentment bubble! I've missed you. Back in it.

Thank you Josh

2007-10-19T12:10:00.000-05:00

Josh Beckett is just a baddass pitching stud.
That's all there is to it.

We're back in this thing. Down 3-2 and headed back to Boston to hopefully complete another great comeback.
I feel much better today, thanks.

However, can we please do something, anything, to get McCarver off the broadcasts?
I mean, really. I was excited as hell watching the game, but I think I spent more time yelling at him and Joe Buck than I did to actually yell about the game.
Just. Beyond. Annoying.

Moving right along. yay! We won! Reality check of course, we still need to win the next two games to go to the World Series. Plausible. Definitely plausible.

Until Saturday.

What's wrong? Where to begin.

2007-10-15T22:46:00.000-05:00

*sigh*

Sox lost again today. Now down 2-1 to Cleveland.
That's bad enough.
Crud. Sad. Distraught and annoyed as all get out that, despite the fact that Chicago is closer to Cleveland than to Boston, there were far, FAR too many people happy to see Cleveland win tonight.

Next up: My car's not working again.
Yes, it's the battery again. And yes, that's twice within less than a year. Thinking it's the alternator. Right, I can afford to get that fixed. Sure.

Next: Really not a big deal, but my VCR's not working. It either doesn't tape anything when I set the timer or it eats the tape. Small potatoes, but makes a shitty day craptacular. Got to come home to not have anything to watch and enjoy to take the anger edge off.

Next up: The flippin' CTA. That's Chicago Transit Authority.
They're shutting down (or very seriously threatening to shut down) boatloads of bus routes including, but definitely not limited to, the bus closest to my apartment which takes me south to my neurologist's office, not to mention any number of other places I need to get to, whether my car is working or not considering I can barely see well enough to risk driving these days. Gee, it'd be nice to be able to get to my neurologist's office about that, wouldn't it?

Ok, ok, ok. Time for the flip side.

Had a couple of consolation shots purchased for me tonight at the bar. Made the walk home easier.

The Patriots are kicking the living shit out of any team who dares face them.

I'm going out for sushi and sake tomorrow with a friend of mine as a belated birthday celebration, followed by another night of (hopefully) kicking ass at pool league with other friends of mine.

See what I did there? I'm trying, really I am to be glass half full here. I'm even leaving out everything that puts me basically on suicide watch on a daily basis. Really trying.
But, honestly, considering the whole suicide watch thing (not really kidding, unfortunately) it's a wonderful thing to have sports fandome. While it may seem trivial to some to rest one's daily emotions on the outcome of what is "just a game" to most, it's a comfort here.

Go Pats. Go Sox. Great googly moogly.

PostScript: Got one outta three on Tuesday. Sushi rocked. Pool and baseball both sucked and blew.
It's Thursday now, win or be done Sox. All on Beckett's more than capable shoulders.

33

2007-10-09T14:51:00.000-05:00

That would be today. 33. 33 years. Entering 34. Big whoop.

Moving right along.
RED SOX WIN THE ALDS!!!!! oh, and Yankees lose.
We begin our ALCS series against the Indians on Friday. Here's hoping.

In 2004 this week, I was excited that the Red Sox had just swept the Angels. Sound familiar?
All I could think was, "Wow, great birthday present!"
Then we dropped three games to the Yankees after which I thought, "Wait, that was all I was getting?"

Well. You know the rest. Greatest comeback ever by the Red Sox. Greatest collapse ever by the Yankees and the rest is history.
Here's hoping it repeats itself.

Today I'm feeling surprisingly spry. Went out last night to watch the Yankees game as well as football and began celebrating my birthday in earnest at 11PM, since that would be midnight on East Coast where I was born so, technically, that was my birthday commencement.
Now, of course, I was born at 6PM which means I will continue to celebrate until 5PM tomorrow. Make sense? Thought so.
In any case, drank far too much but had a such a great time hanging out with some fantastic people, fellow Sox fans and friends in general. But really, it's amazing how many shots I had and didn't become ill from.
Think I'll take it a little easier tonight. Pool league and all. Might just stick with beer.

On another note, although still alcohol related.
Received a most wonderful package in the mail today.
A beautiful bottle of scotch with a note attached reading "All hail the Red Sox!"
Best gift ever. The result of a friendly baseball wager but timed perfectly for me to feel extra happy on this day - Thanks Pat!

That's it for now.
Go Sox!

Catmas! And other things....

2007-10-05T11:08:00.001-05:00

Today is Catmas, so here's the cutest picture I have of Mia.

She enjoys sitting on top of Dave's armoire, on top of the foam claw from the Chicago Wolves.

She's got spirit! Precious.

Now, to more important things.

Has anyone noticed that the Red Sox won game one of the ALDS? That Josh Beckett is a stud and a rock star? That Youk and Papi kick all kinds of ass?

Just checking.

oh, and the Yankees got rocked last night. Thank you Cleveland.

What else? I'm skimming over everything.

Yesterday was Dave's birthday and he was the proud recipient of a Wii, so I get to play with the new toy too. Pretty kick ass, what with the boxing, bowling, baseball and tennis action. I just might get some indoor excercise this winter.

Not that it feels like winter. Hi, it's the 5th of October with a high of 89 degrees!!!!! Guh.
Remember when you wouldn't need air conditioning after September? Me too.

Me, I'll be 33 in four days. Not doing much, I'll be heading out to pool league since that'll be the highest concentration of friends I'll have in one place at the same time. Haven't had a party since I was, oh, ten? So this is the next best thing. Then, of course, there will be the contentment bubble that is sushi sometime later in the week with a friend so it will be complete.

Brief, concise, and there you have it. Two ballgames to watch today. Hopefully the Yanks will get another drubbing from the Indians followed, again, hopefully, with Dice-K following Beckett's gem with one of his own.

Go Sox!!!!

What the hell?

2007-09-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a while, and I'm probably not going to post again any time too soon.
But here's a quick summary of what's been going on and why I haven't been posting.

Shortly after my last post, my eyes quit on me.
I'm still residually dealing with it now, another reason this'll be brief.
Basically, I can't really have my eyes open for any extended period of time. It hurts.
It hurts to watch tv, it hurts to look at my computer screen and it positively kills to be anywhere that is well lit. I don't know if it's a relapse or what, but it's definitely a pain in the ass.

How have I been dealing with it? Why in the wrong way, of course. Self-medicating - too much. Drinking - waaaaaay too much. And, of course - bitching. To no one in particular, since no one's around, but still.

It's much better now that it has been this last few weeks but it's still not back to the point of regular day-to-day eye usage. I've been watching/listening to a lot of sci-fi as a result - lots of good sound effects and, since I'm a bit of a geek, I've watched them all multiple times so I definitely don't need to watch to keep track of what's going on.

What else? Well, the Patriots are kicking ass. Oh, and yes, I think anyone who thinks there were the only team cheating on some level is naive.
The Red Sox seem to not even want the Wild Card these days and the fucking Yankees can't seem to lose, so I'm getting a little stressed with regards to the pending post-season.

Beyond that, well, nothing else is really new.
I'll stop back when I can, and apologies to all who I've neglected to visit or comment on blogwise - I'm around, just briefly.

Tee hee!

2007-08-26T15:59:00.001-05:00

It was a great weekend here in Chicago.

I was going to go into great detail about this four game sweep of the White Sox by the Red Sox but somehow, right now, it just doesn't feel necessary.

We won. A lot. With lots of runs. Double digit runs in all four games.

I went to two of them (both on Friday). Got sunburnt, hungover, happy and giddy.

Great weekend.

Yanks still have one more game against Detroit before we play them on Tuesday, but as of now, with help from Detroit, we're 7 1/2 games up on them. (Thank you, Detroit and Chicago).

Tee hee!

Woo hoo!

Go Sox!

'Nuff said.

Take Two

2007-08-24T11:14:00.000-05:00

So much for yesterday's game.
Two and half hours drinking, waiting out a rain delay that never ended.
Luckily, the ticket I had was for a seat under the upper deck so I remained dry for the most part.

So it's a day make-up game today.
Good enough. On top of it all, got a ticket from a friend of mine for tonight's game so it'll be one long day of (hopefully) great baseball.

Beckett and Schilling. Go Sox!

About damn time

2007-08-22T20:41:00.000-05:00

I've been neglecting this here blog of mine, apologies to those who read it (both of you!).

In any case, my beloved Red Sox are finally coming to town tomorrow for a four game series against the White Sox.
I'm definitely going to tomorrow night's game, beyond that, we'll have to see. Maybe.

In any case, I'll be in the left field seats, about thirty rows back or so.
Provided I remember to tomorrow, I'll bring my camera and hopefully have some pics to share. Hope Manny washed behind his ears!

More tomorrow, or, probably, the day after.

Go Sox!

Pre/post-script - it's now Thursday afternoon and we're in the midst of a combined tornado/thunderstorm so we'll have to see if the game happens. It won't be for another three and a half hours so I'm guessing it's still on, if a little damp and windy.

Um....guys?

2007-08-08T09:28:00.000-05:00

Starting to get a little distressed here.
Red Sox haven't been winning all that much lately.
Yankees have only been winning lately.

Only 5 games back, and definitely now a favorite in the Wild Card race.
Of course, I'm hoping here that they remain only a factor in the Wild Card but still.
They're, well, catching up.

I was getting really chipper at the prospect of the Yanks not making the playoffs for a change.

I know, I know....fifty games left, don't stress.
But really, how can I not? Insanity is a fair requirement of all Red Sox fans and I am, admittedly, one of the more psychotic ones.

*breathes*

ok, here's a plan, everything now shifts back to how it should.
Lester kicks ass tonight against the Angels. Halladay does his bit for the Blue Jays and kicks ass against the Yanks tonight.

Sound like a plan? Thought so.

Go Sox!

The liver knows no vacation

2007-08-06T21:18:00.000-05:00

I'm back.
Not posting so much just now, but I'm back.

It was a surprisingly enjoyable stay and yes, much of that had to do with the fact that my whole family gets along best when we collectively drink.

But, also, the Sox only lost three games in those eleven/twelve days.
I got almost no sleep since what used to be my bedroom at my parents house went to my brother and his wife. Nothing like getting in those three quality hours of sleep on a back-impaling sleeper sofa when you need fourteen hours.
Then to the Cape, much of the same, sleep-wise, only now it was on the smallest bed I've slept in since I was a toddler.

Nonetheless, it was a great trip. Fantastic to see family, spend time on the Cape and still have NESN (we gotta prioritize, right?). And, in the end, good to be back.

Looking forward to the next seventeen hours of sleep.
I'll make up the rest of my sleep deprivation another night.

Oh, I almost forgot. Took advantage of no sales tax in Massachusetts. Completely replenished my supply of Red Sox t-shirts. Not that I have any quarrel with wearing the Varitek one all the time but, you know, girl's gotta do laundry. Now I'm well tided over til the next wash day.

Go Sox!!!!

Back East go I

2007-07-25T18:02:00.000-05:00

I'm leaving for Massachusetts tomorrow, stupid early, so this'll be my last post for a coupla weeks.
I have my cousin's (I think he's my cousin - offspring of my father's cousin is my cousin of sorts, right?) this weekend, then a week in Cape Cod with the whole family - brother, sister-in-law, parents and the grandmother visiting from Poland - then back for a few days before flying back to Chicago.

Bottom line is, in a few days, hopefully this'll be my view:

That was the view from the Cape last year. It was a nice time. Beautiful, relaxing, everything you'd hope to expect.

In anycase, here's hoping the Sox streak continues through my journey.
Hope everyone is happy, healthy, safe and chipper. And all that good stuff.

See in you in a fortnight!

And of course, go Sox!

Time for some inspiration

2007-07-23T10:25:00.000-05:00

In other Red Sox news, Jon Lester is a very young (23)and promising (7-2 last season) pitcher for our team whose season got cut short last year when he was diagnosed with cancer.
Since then, he's gone through chemo, was declared cancer-free and has completed his return to the bigs.

He's our starting pitcher tonight, replacing the recently struggling Tavarez and I'll be headed to the bar to watch, of course. How could I not?

What can I say. Several members of my family have survived cancer (brother and father), others haven't(grandmother). In any case, to see someone so young go through it and come back, well, it's my feel-good story of the day.

It's also a good kick in my ass to stop feeling so damn sorry for myself and get back into my life.

So here's to it. Go Sox!

Serenity...sometime? Soon? Please?

2007-07-18T09:10:00.000-05:00

Resolved - I'm no longer fun when I drink.
Time for a serious break from booze.
I don't just mean cut back either, I think I really just need to stop for a bit.

I was out last night, watching the horrendous display of the Red Sox against, of all teams, the Royals. Had a few beers and, courtesy of my friend the bartender, a couple of shots.

No problem there. Had a good time chatting with her despite the ball game. It was nice to catch up since, due to the All Star break hadn't been out to see her and watch baseball in a good week and change.

Went then to my roommate's pub quiz to help if needed, and otherwise, to hang out.
Had one more beer. That's it.

So far so good. Had fun. Really. Good turnout, good quiz.

Pub quiz ended and an acquaintance/almost friend comes up to me and says "How've you been? Haven't seen you in a while."

For whatever reason, the floodgates opened. I suddenly spilled all this crap on him that I really had no business sharing and, before I knew it, I was crying.
Really pretty embarrassing. He clearly wasn't ready for it either, but was really kind and supportive/sympathetic.

I apologized and left and went to bed.

Honestly I don't know what's up. I know I needed to get those things off my chest, but I don't know why then and there and to him.
Haven't really had anyone to talk to lately, like really talk to, I guess. Kind of a caveat for being a homebody.

In any case, taking a break for a little while anyway.
Of course, next week I'll be headed to Massachusetts for a little family time on the Cape, and, as many people know, my family and I only really get along when lots of wine is involved, so we'll see.

The Self-imposed Latch-Key Kid

2007-07-11T19:40:00.000-05:00

Allow a little preface here.

About a week ago, I was out grocery shopping. Thankfully, I walked instead of drove.
I was working my way through the lunch meat/chicken/beef length of the store when I realized I couldn't read any of the labels on the products.

Bottom line: To this day, i still can't see in front of me, only peripherally.
Hopefully, it'll come back soon since, the last time this happened, I spent three days in the hospital with an IV hookup to try to bring my optic nerve back into the game.

Stupid brain.

Anyway, my pool team had first round playoffs last night.
Not to toot my own horn but, typically, I'm one of the best players on my team. However, given recent events I of course informed my captain of my vision issues. That, combined with my chronic fatigue that they were already aware of made me assume I'd be done and gone by game five, regardless of the outcome.

Sad fact is, even with vision issues, I'm still one of the better female shooters on the team, so my final game was game ten. By then I was so loopy and exhausted that, apparently, I was very entertaining, but not very effective as a pool player.

It really sucks in retrospect because, of the two games that I lost, I definitely should have won both of them but it was a foreign table, and of course any number of other issues.

Bottom line, we lost the night. Of course I wasn't the only one who lost games but it's a really disconcerting turn of events when I've grown accustomed to being a reliable winner on the team and suddenly can't count on myself. Truthfully, when we've lost in the past, it's been despite my wins, you know?

On another note, further enhancing the caution of me not driving. I was walking to a store the other day. Started to cross the street only to realize that I failed to fully see the crosswalk sign stating that it was no longer time to walk.
Found myself in the middle of four lanes of traffic waiting for the lights to change again.
Ok. Now it's getting serious. I can't even cross the street. I can't see the crosswalk sign.

Such a fucking tool.
I'll be staying on side-streets for a while.

Release the hounds!

2007-07-02T15:05:00.000-05:00

There was a power outage in our neighborhood yesterday in the early evening.
It was too dark to read indoors but still fairly light outside, as well as considerably cooler. Thus, with beers and books in hand Dave and I took to our front stoop for, well, beers and books.

It was kind of nifty to watch. Random neighbors going to their front yards, talking to each other, confirming that they hadn't just blown a fuse or something.

It had been a while since I had reason to enjoy time away from tv and the like, longer still since I had chatted with my neighbors.
Most enjoyable of all though, was watching pretty much everyone within a three block radius take their respective dogs out for an additional evening stroll. There must've been twenty dogs walking around, including the extremely adorable pumpkin pie of a pooch Gordie who lives next door.

The outage only lasted about forty minutes. Perfect timing actually, as, by the time the lights came on it was too dark to read outside. So, I walked next door, chatted some more with the neighbors, lavished affection on Gordie and went back inside.

Bottom line? Note to self - don't forget to sit outside this summer. It's always a nice break to have your city feel like a small town, if only for a little while.

Here we go again

2007-06-30T21:01:00.000-05:00

No, not sick again, just hiding from the world this weekend.
As many of you may know, I tend to not enjoy the Fourth of July weekend festivities.
Yes, since the weekend has already begun, so have the fireworks, and the PTSD.

Sigh.
Time to hide out with my Netflix and my Red Sox. Tomorrow's a day game, so it'll be safe for me me to go out to watch the game, but beyond that, oh yes, hiding. Always hiding.
Who knows, maybe I'll get around to getting my car's oil changed too, although that may be a little too optimistic.

Plan to try for more social activities next week, but until then, there you have it.

Go Sox.

Looks like another weekend of convalescing

2007-06-21T21:00:00.000-05:00

Found myself getting sick yesterday.
Woke up worse today. Very woozy, very disoriented.

However, got my ass over to CVS and set myself up for the weekend.
One of the following should help me feel better soon, if not a combination of them all.

NyQuil
DayQuil
Kleenex
Beer
Pizza

yeah, the cashier kinda looked at me funny and laughed but hey, whatever sinks yer sub, right?

In any case, this weekend Dave's off to the farmland for the annual MS150 Tour de Farms - the link is to the right if you all feel like donating. Cure me!

Anyway, back to bed.

Oh wait, but first - How 'bout the Red Sox huh? And a big ass thank you to the Rockies who, along with our wins, put the Yankees back to .500 and back to double digits in games behind us.
It's all rather astonishing, Tavarez is becoming one of the pitchers I'm relying on these days.
Never thought I'd type that.

Ok, now, really, back to bed.

Semi-spendy lessons in cooking

2007-06-11T18:25:00.000-05:00

In a renewed effort to lose weight and eat healthier, I've started cooking again.
A nice change since recent months have included quick mix packaged goods, take-out and, well, take-out.

I'm also trying to use different recipes and, hence, different ingredients.

What have I learned thus far?

1. You can get a plastic paper cut opening a container of low fat sour cream - the Royal right index finger is displeased.
2. I don't care for tilapia.
3. Salmon still rocks.

and

4. Jess, who are you kidding? Stick with chicken. It's a helluva lot cheaper and you already know how to cook it.

Although, I gotta admit, the low fat spinach/cheese/scallion portabellos I made tonight were pretty kick ass. But then, I had just eaten a piece of tilapia, so it might have only kicked ass by comparison.

That's it for now.
That's what you get. It's an off day in baseball and that's that.

I'll keep trying. I'll let you know if I find any wonder-recipes.

Timing is everything

2007-06-07T22:28:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was freaking out because I'd heard that today was going to be over ninety degrees.
Said freak-out was a result of the AC being nonfunctional again, despite more than ten days passing since I'd informed the landlord.

What else? Well, the beloved Red Sox just sustained their longest losing streak of the season going into today.

What do these two things have in common? Both were resolved today.
The freon was topped off in the AC and Schilling pitched a gem of a game - a hit and an error away from perfection. Faboooooooo.

Beyond that, I have little to say these days.
I've kind of been hiding or at least hiding out in well air-conditioned establishments that show baseball although now that my current habitat is again inhabitable, we'll see how frequently I bother to update this here blog of mine.

One sour note, I just in the last few months met another local Red Sox kindred spirit - one who shares my extreme appreciation for sarcasm.
Unfortunately, the day nears when he leaves as well.
See, I don't know who he thinks he is, but really, getting married?! I mean, c'mon! And... AND....moving to Florida with his betrothed?!?!?!.
Sigh. Ah well. It's hella fun to watch games with him and, if nothing else, I know I have another email buddy where our beloved Sox are concerned.

Of course, I wish him well.
Enough of that. I'm still sober and have to do something about that.
G'night all.

A nice fresh contentment bubble

2007-05-29T13:26:00.000-05:00

That's where I sat last night.
So chipper, a nice change really.

Went to a bar near my apartment to watch the Sox game and all things aligned perfectly.
Allow me to describe the happy array of televisions placed in front of me as I enjoyed cheap beer and cheaper chicken wings.

In front of me: The Red Sox - winning. Trot welcomed back. Youk's inside the park homer. Indians getting injured and called out anyway. Schilling easing my fears.
To my left: Hockey, always nice
To my right: The Yankees - losing - again.
To my far right: Basketball - ok, didn't really care about that one.

Put them all together, along with a few friends entering the bar late in the game and I was downright hip and spanky.

Full of chicken wings, full of beer, amongst friends and just witnessed a fantastic Red Sox game.
A good night.

Tonight? Beckett makes his return, I go to pool league and still get to watch since they have the MLB package there. And, oh yeah, amongst friends again for the night. This is a good trend.

Fun with marketing research

2007-05-25T11:30:00.000-05:00

So, some time ago, I completed some online survey asking me if I'd be willing to try a certain frozen food product.
I said sure and expected to receive a coupon allowing me to purchase said item for free.

Little did I know I would receive a large styro mailing package with the item enclosed, encased in some dry ice.

Some poorly wrapped dry ice I might add.
Burned the crap outta my left hand unknowingly picking it up.

But, add the ice to a sink and run some water and, well, pretty spiffy to watch.
The pics don't do it justice, but still, had to share.

Kinda nifty. Especially considering it was 89 degrees yesterday, it served as a nice, foggy, almost cool diversion for a bit.

Geez, Jess, morbid much?

2007-05-19T10:46:00.001-05:00

Alright, got that last post out of my system.
I've since slept and feel a little better.

let's move on.

I wish I wish I wish

2007-05-18T23:23:00.000-05:00

Allow me to preface this with the all-important disclaimer: Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything stupid. Ok? Ok.

Now then. I wish.

I wish there were a way for me to be done with my life intentionally, without anyone in the aftermath thinking that they had anything to do with it. I mean, really, not to be morbid, but I can honestly say that the only reason I'm allowing myself to stay in existence is because I'm afraid that, regardless of any amount of explaining, someone out there will blame themself and I just don't want that.
It sounds kind of bleak and pathetic to put it that way, but really, honestly, it's true.
Bottom line, when I make my lists (almost daily I do this, I might add, just to stave it off) I come up with lists. Too numerous to list are my reasons to end it all and, in the end, my reason(s) not to is simple: (x) might blame themself. That reason alone is enough not to. We've all felt remorse for any number of things, but the last thing I want is for someone to feel remorse for something they have no business feeling remorse for. Unfortunately, were I absent, I wouldn't be able to convince said person that they weren't responsible.
Fuckin' chicken and the egg.
Stupid semantics.

It comes down to simple math. I don't know how many of you read my manditory reading a few months back, but it still, to this date, sums up my thoughts about an modicum of an afterlife, being an atheist and all.

In the end, I consider myself maintained by the memory(ies) of others. At this point, I don't want to be remembered by thoughts of regret or annoyance (as in, "who does she think she is, bailing like that?!").
In the end, I'll always linger, not to mooch on the disability payments provided by society, not to subsist on the sympathy of others. No. If nothing else, to confound those who didn't know I had issues and only found out after the fact that I dealt with shit better than they when they had nothing to deal with. No, that's not true either, that's just petty.
I honestly don't really know why. Really I don't.

I just know I will, so don't fret, should you have been disposed to otherwise. Fear not.
For the rest of you, so sorry to disappoint, I'll be around. And not just to root for the Sox.

The Dice-man cometh

2007-05-14T21:31:00.000-05:00

I'll make this brief, since it's 85 degrees right now and I desperately need to get back in front of a fan.

Huge sigh of relief today as Daisuke Matsusaka finally pitched a complete game.
Granted, more than 120 pitches, but still, one run against the second best record in the AL Detroit Tigers. A good night. Definitely.

That's all.
Back on hiatus I go!

One of these days I'll post some pics from my architecture boat tour from my parental visit last weekend. I was still pretty ill at the time so I need to process a little more before I post.

Ok, buh bye.

The parents are coming! The parents are coming!

2007-05-04T20:07:00.000-05:00

This will be the second time that my parents have visited me in the city I was living in since moving out of their home after high school.

The first time was in St. Paul, MN for my college graduation.
Now, eleven years later, they are descending upon Chicago for the weekend.

Kinda apprehensive to tell the truth, not sure how I'll entertain them thru Monday, but it should work out.
There is the architectural boat tour that I scheduled for Sunday.
Also, and I'm kinda proud of myself, I managed to score us some reservations for dinner tomorrow night at Charlie Trotter's, a place that recommends 10-12(!!!!) advance reservation for a weekend dining experience. Guess I just got really lucky. I called them last week just as they were completing their confirmation/cancellation for this upcoming weekend.

Beyond that, well, there are certainly a ton of museums to go to, so we'll be busy.
Just hope they'll bear with me. Spent the week in bed with the flu so I may not quite have the gusto they may be hoping for.

Still, it'll be a refreshing change to see them on my turf for a change.
Until then, back to the Red Sox game.

Not even going to comment on this past week's plus worth of games. All too exciting, startling, frightening and as always entertaining to recap.

We'll see how much longer this hiatus lasts.
I'll be back. Eventually.

Mini hiatus

2007-04-23T15:00:00.000-05:00

Um, gonna take a little time off here.
My eyes are kinda screwed up. Things are very, very dark. Very difficult to see and, quite frankly, I find myself getting a migraine trying to read the screen right now, so I'll be off.

This just started today and hopefully it'll be over just as quickly.
So, I'll be around, reading where I can but, until this passes, think I'll be passing on typing much in the near future.

I'll stick with tv for now, larger pictures are easier to make out.
Just what I need right? Another reason to stay in couch potato land.
Maybe I'll lift some dumbbells - right.

Happy, but concerned

2007-04-23T01:27:00.000-05:00

Let me put it this way:
I am happy as all get out that we swept the Yankees at home for the first time in a home face-off in umpteen years.

However - I'm not entirely content about it.
Frankly, the problem of it all is this - we just barely won all three when we were facing the bottom of the barrel, injury-laden Yanks that we really had no excuse to lose against.

Fact of the matter is, we barely got outta there alive.
Case in point, our crucial runs came from the least likely places.

Don't get me wrong - I can't remember the last time I've been as excited as I was tonight, watching the four two-out solo home runs that took place - albeit against a rookie in his second start. Ever.

I'm also pleased that Dice-K lasted long enough to allow the go-ahead runs to count in his favor towards evening up his starts at 2-2.
Oh, and yeah, captain? V-Tek, continuing confirmation that he's over his early season slump.
Love the captain. Just wish that Wily-Mo were doing more to try to earn a sub-spot for Coco.
Hey, if they combine for a .250 average I will be both surprised and pleased.

Nonetheless, legitimately concerned that facing this more than depleted team (Petitte had to mid-relief for crying out loud, after starting on Friday) that we just barely eked out a win.

However, not to look a gift horse and all that good crap - uber happy to sweep and extend our lead against the Yanks, however early in the season it may be.

Oh, and by the way - how intensly, Children of the Corn does Pap look when he's setting up for a ninth inning shut down? So glad he's on our side.

How did that happen?

2007-04-21T11:11:00.000-05:00

Somehow, still trying to figure it out, we came back and beat the Yankees last night.
I'm still a little giddy and definitely hungover.

After going to a different neighborhood bar for a change to watch, I managed to get the White Sox fans there in my corner.
They all stuck around after the Sox beat the Tigers to root for my Sox.

In any case, after that wonderful eighth inning, I was going a little apeshit and was given two shots by my new friends to calm my ass down.

Nice to hear applause for a win when no one there was a fan except me.
Of course, we all share a mutual hatred for the Yankees so I guess that's more what they were cheering for. I'll take it.
Good to see 'Tek's bat wake up. Oh captain, my captain.
Well done.

Bittersweet

2007-04-19T15:46:00.000-05:00

This'll be brief since I really need to lay down.

Red Sox won today, shocking actually, considering that Tavarez was pitching, but it all worked out in the end.
Win for Timlin, save for the Papelbon and there you have it.

Thought things were going to get even better, what with the Yankees down 6-2 in the ninth inning against Cleveland.

Then they were down 6-4.
And then...

Fucking A-Rod.
Can I just tell you how sick I am of this guy? Good god.
He's the devil.

Yet another walk-off home run, at least this was only for three runs, not a grand slam.

Nonetheless, ended my viewing with a bitter taste.

Ok, moving right along.
Yay Sox! Start our series against the Evil Empire tomorrow.
Better be feeling better so I can go to the bar.

Back to bed.

Not a great night

2007-04-18T00:23:00.000-05:00

Allow me to admit up front that I did not watch the game tonight, although I did witness via MLB.com the first two unfortunate and ultimate runs allowed by Dice-K tonight.

Fact of the matter is, I was having a particularly crappy health day today.
Managed to make dinner for the next three days but, bottom line, was having some serious mobility issues today.

To put it mildly, and, well, not to share too much, suppose I found I had to go to the bathroom at 11AM, well, having done that, finally made it back to bed around 1PM. Difficult to maneuver today.

In any case, was hobbling around and settling in for the night around 7:30 when my phone rang.
Yep, called in to sub for my pool team.

Got there around 8:30 and, of course, drank for free.
But, honestly, free booze matters little when every motion is excrutiating.
Put on my best/bravest face and simply told my teammates I had the flu when they asked me why I looked so ill.

All things considered, fared fairly well.
We only won four games tonight. Betweeen seven of us over fifteen games.
I won two of the four.

Kinda sad.
Ah well.

Hopefully, we'll all fare better next week.

Lousy Timing

2007-04-13T13:58:00.000-05:00

Everything seems to be due this month.
Feeling extra destitute.
Thank goodness for credit cards, even if I'm not paying them off as quickly these days.

Renew license plates - $78
Renew car insurance - $150
Order new city parking sticker - $75
Oil change - $30.

Starting to question the value of owning a car these days. At least that part's paid off.
However, it is a necessary evil, especially given the occasional inconvenient times when I have trouble walking.

Anyway, onto better things, right?
Tonight is the season ending party for my Tuesday night pool league.
I love the people I play with, so I'm looking forward to hanging out with them.
Plus, you know, open bar 8-11, so at least I'll save a little money there.

Huh, I thought we were past that.

2007-04-12T00:16:00.000-05:00

Went to the bar to watch the lackluster performance by the Red Sox vs. the Mariners.
No run support.

Not good.
I'll leave it at that.

What startled me is what occurred afterwards.
I ran into a good friend of mine and her husband after the game and was thrilled to hang out with them as I hadn't seen them for months.

During our time together, ended up hanging out with some British gents as well.
No problem there, they were fun.

However, at the end of the night, as I was saying my goodbyes, one of the Brits asked me where I was from.

"Outside of Boston," I answered.

"No, that's not what I meant," he said, "the curly hair, the complexion, what?"

"Oh," I said, "I'm a Polish Jew."

He then made a snorting sound and turned his back to me.

Maybe it's just me, but I was a little bewildered by this.
I mean really, after hanging out, talking, having a fine enough time, why would someone's heritage render that useless?
Anyway, made a sour night, turned better, however briefly, turn ultimately very, very sour for the night.

Please tell me he was an anomaly.
I would like to maintain faith in international humanity, but maybe that's just me.

Shut Up!

2007-04-10T22:26:00.000-05:00

Needless to say, a great time was had watching today's Red Sox trouncing of the Mariners.
Here's hoping they didn't spend it all in one place.
Hopefully, they'll have more runs to support Dice-K and Wakes in the next two games.

One minor irritant.

There was this chick at the bar - can't hold too much fault with her as she was, after all a Sox fan.
But I swear, she was maybe 21 by two months.

She would not. Shut. Up.

In any normal conversation when one would say "no way!" or "you're kidding!" or "really!", she would say, very loudly, "Shut UP!!!!!"
This got a little irritating over time.

Actually, I had to leave after the seventh inning. Just couldn't take any more.

So yeah, on the train ride home, I missed Timlin giving up two runs.
Just as well.

In any case, Beckett got his second win in two attempts this season and I am ever so geared up for tomorrow's game.

Dice-K meeting up with Ichiro again. (Anyone else find it interesting that his jersey says Ichiro on the back instead of Suzuki? No? Ah well.)

In any case, should be a stunnah!

Home Opener

2007-04-10T11:24:00.000-05:00

Beckett's starting today for our home opener, so I'll be headed to Nic & Dino's to watch this afternoon.

One of the owners of the bar around the corner was very excited to inform me that they get FSN New England so I could watch games there. Unfortunately, I had to tell him that they don't broadcast Sox games, NESN does. He was crestfallen.

Oh well, he's guaranteed to have my presence when they're on ESPN but otherwise, southbound go I.

Papi's Back!

2007-04-09T09:53:00.000-05:00

Two home runs in his first two at-bats yesterday.
And, the only runs of the game for the Sox.
Good to see Schilling pitch a solid seven innings too, a far cry from the four that he barely made it through on Opening Day.

All in all a great game to watch, aside from the more than alarming eighth inning.
But, before it got out of hand, they wised up and put Papelbon in to get the last five outs of the game.

Gotta love the Papelbon.
That's all for now, still a little hungover, in a good way, of course.

What a waste

2007-04-07T22:46:00.000-05:00

We get no runs for Wakefield, who held the opposition to two runs, then for Tavarez, that snake, we get four, but it's irrellevant.

I'm a little annoyed.
A little bitter.

Then, to pour lemon juice in the papercut, A-Rod, of all people, secures a Yanks win with a walk-off grand slam.

Asshat.

Annoyed. Very much so.

In any case, I'll be back at my local bar tomorrow night, since the game'll be ESPN again.
Here's hoping Schilling can redeem himself for opening day.

Pfeh.

Oh, and while I'm bitching, let me get this out of my system.
I live across the street from a church, and, apparently, there's some pre-Easter thingamawhosit going on tonight. Suffice to say, many illegally parked church patrons.

That's fine. No problem with that for me.

But here's the issue.
As I type this update, it is after 11PM.
Random people departing the church, rather than waiting or waving down others or, say, calling them on their phones, are honking....frequently....incessantly....loudly, outside my window.

I hate to be a curmudgeon.
Honest, I used to be a night owl, but these days, as my roommate is going out for the night, I'm either about to go to bed or already have, so, needless to say, these late-night horn honkings are making me a little snarky.

Couple that with the fact that our plumber/maintenance/whatever guy is expected at 8AM tomorrow morning, well, you'll have to forgive me for being a little irritable. Normally I'd save it for the morning but, given our day in baseball, my snarkiness precedes me.

'Nuff said. G'night.

A New Home

2007-04-05T16:56:00.000-05:00

What a great afternoon!!!

Went to a bar called Nic and Dino's (sorry, no web site for me to link to) about two miles south of my apartment for the game.
Approached the entrance to find a gigantic Red Sox flag hanging over the doorway.

I knew I'd found the right place.

Sure enough, Red Sox paraphernalia everywhere and an abundance of fans.

I sat down at the bar and ordered my vodka. A few minutes later one of the owners walked by, saw my Varitek t-shirt and said as he passed, "Tek's gotta find his bat."
"No shit, huh?" I replied. We chuckled and I knew I'd found my home.

Most people had taken the day off or a half-day to witness Dice-K's major league regular season debut.

He did not disappoint.
With the exception of one solo home run and a few other uneventful hits, he was fantastic.
Got himself out of a few jams, and a 1-2-3 strikeout 4th inning, and made it through seven innings.

All capped of with a save by the Papelbon.

Great day. Met some fun people.
So much more fun to watch a game when you're not the only one in the bar who cares.
Nice to not feel like a transplant.

So, that's it.

Yay!

Much Better

2007-04-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

The Sox redeemed themselves last night for their atrocious season opener.
So, with Dice-K starting today, I find myself having to find a way to watch this game.

Not on ESPN. So not at my local bar.

I'm trying out a new place this afternoon, not a place I can walk to, but arrived to easily enough by train and then a little bit of walking. It's owned by two Bostonians and supposedly they're showing all the games, so I'll give it a shot.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Despite it all

2007-04-02T21:16:00.000-05:00

Ok, so today's game sucked.
Pure and simple.

Nonetheless, I did buy a ticket for when my boys'll be in town in August.
Going to the Thursday night game.
Paid for it with my credit card, adorned with the Red Sox logo. Better be a good sign.

Today wasn't quite so fun, we'll give ourselves a day to think about it before we try again.

No doubt, Wednesday will be better.

Red Sox, Red Sox, How I Love the Red Sox*

2007-04-02T11:03:00.000-05:00

*Sung to the tune of "Fish Heads"

It's Opening Day!
I'm so unbelievable happy right now. Thus far, we're undefeated!
Of course, we don't play our first game til this afternoon.

At this point, I'm happy to be unemployed, because I get to go watch the game on TV in the afternoon. For lack of NESN, I'm glad ESPN had the presence of mind to broadcast the first Sox game of the season. Of course, they're showing the first Yankees game too, they mama didn't raise no dummy.

In any case, I've been giddy since last night, just thinking about it.
I'm not quite psycho yet, I mean, really, the season's just getting started - lot's of baseball to be played. But still, I can't help but think that Psycho Sportsfan Jess isn't too far away. She's been brewing every since football season ended so it's shouldn't be long now.

Anyway, off I go. Gonna try to be productive until this afternoon. Hopefully I'll be back later with happy results of the game.

Go Sox!

Postscript: So much for that. Crud. Yanks won, Sox lost. Not a good day. Schilling barely made it through four innings and some questionable base-running didn't help either.
Not a good day. Against KC, no less. Guh.

Apparently, I'm a tone-ist

2007-03-30T23:25:00.000-05:00

I like to think that I'm not a racist, a sexist, or any other kind of -ist.

However, it has come to light recently, thanks to my neighbors, that I am in fact, regrettably, a tone-ist.

I just can't listen to chicks talking in a certain tone of voice.
It really, physically, palpably, makes me stop and cringe.

So is the case with someone next door.
Don't know if it's the resident or a friend, but I hear her outside our door and I stop dead in my tracks and cringe.

Such is also the case with my roommate's girlfriend.
I hate to say/type that since I actually like her as a person and she makes him happy. In that regard, I love her since, well, duh, I love my roommate and want him to be happy.

However, there is something about that certain tonality. Don't know if it's just her speech or her laugh. Actually, check that, I do very definitely cringe every time she laughs.

There's just something about it.
I can't name or label it.
Just drives me nuts.

I turn up the volume on my TV when she's around.
Bow out gracefully when invited to hang out (all three times that that's happened).
Just can't deal with it.

Thankfully, I still have the safety net of the cat, which insures that I still have Dave as a roommate (she's allergic and HATES the cat), so there's that.

My neurologist kicks your neurologist's ass!

2007-03-27T13:40:00.000-05:00

I get some serious chronic pain issues from time to time, in addition to frequent migraines.
This is all related to brain problems, as attested to by my neurologist.

Anyway, some time last year when I was in for my quarterly brain check-up, I was simultaneously having an obscene migraine.
My doc was very sympathetic, he's actually a really cool guy.
But the bottom line is, we got through the check-up quickly and he sent me on my way with a prescription for Vicodin. Kick. Ass.

I don't tend to take pain meds for recreational purposes. Honest. Still don't.
With pain and all that crappy stuff, I went through my script in about three months.

So, more pain ensued and the other day I emailed him and asked him to call in a new prescription for me.

Now, here's the best part.
Finally picked it up today, 30 pills, sufficient to last quite some time.
Then I looked at the bottle, and for the first time ever, there was authorization for refills.
Two.

Such a relief.

You know the saying "Why do I bang my head against a wall? Because it feels so good when I stop."
Well, I feel almost human today.
A nice change from cringing with every movement.

Stupid brain.

An ill-conceived plan

2007-03-26T16:09:00.000-05:00

Woke up this morning a little hungover. Actually went out last night for fun, a rarity these days.
Well, today I was destined to pay for it.

However, it was a beautiful day and I felt the need to be somewhat productive, dammit.

Had my coffee, prepped my marinade and chicken for tonight's cooking, did my taxes and sat on the couch to watch tv.

Windows open. Birds chirping. Such a stinking beautiful day.
Ok, gotta do something. Can't be a slug on a day like this.

Decided to go for a walk.
Dumbass Jess.

It's 75 degrees out and sunny so, for those of you who know my condition and how it's affected by heat, you know it felt like 95-100 degrees out. But still I marched.

Decided to walk to the gym.
Forty-five minutes later, there I was.
Exhausted.
Didn't think to bring my train pass with me if I felt the need to have help getting back home.
Dumbass Jess.

Went inside, washed my face, drank some water and headed back out.
By this time, it feels like all the blood in my body is in my hands only.
They're burning, can't even bend my fingers. Not pleasant.

But I'm back, almost approaching room temperature, and headed back to the couch.

At least I got something done today.

That's the night that the lights went out in Lakeview...

2007-03-22T20:35:00.000-05:00

Good basketball game.
Saluki's are winning, and then.....

The power went out.
The whole grid.

Just came back on, not bad, actually, only took about forty-five minutes. Let's hope they're that speedy come air-conditioning season.

And oh yeah, Saluki's lost. By three.
Poot.

Ah well.

A Good Day, all around

2007-03-22T17:25:00.000-05:00

The weather was perfect. Beautiful. Upper fifties, but sunny so it felt like seventy.

Got my ass in gear and actually got a little excercise - forty minutes walking at a decent clip to and from the Whole Foods Market in my relative neighborhood. And managed to not buy anything unhealthy while there, just some nice veggies, thank you very much.

Just really couldn't get over how lovely it was outside. Just intermittent, whispy clouds drifting by with a nice breeze. Just, really, perfect.

Then I come home to find out that, thank goodness, Papelbon will be our closer after all, rather than getting a starting rotation spot. Such a relief, given the, well, lack of alternatives. Although I have to admit I'm not much enthused by Tavarez being anywhere in the lineup, as a starter, middle relief or closer. That guy only surprises me when he pitches well. But I don't want to ruin this perfect day with talk of negativity.

Not much longer to wait for the start of the regular season. Getting downright giddy!

So, tonight, it's more basketball.
Go Saluki's!

Tee hee!

2007-03-21T13:18:00.000-05:00

Ok, this is a little twisted, but amusing as all get out.

Check it.

Not far now...

2007-03-18T12:34:00.000-05:00

Went against my better judgement last night and went out.
Generally, I make it a rule not to go out on St. Patrick's Day weekend, seeing as how it's pretty much an amateur night out for binge drinkers.
However, Dave arrived home from a bar and informed me that he, his girlfriend and another friend were going out karaoking.
Well, how could I say no? It had been a while since I'd stretched my vocal muscles.

So off we went.
It was fun, but a little draining.

I did my standards - "Love is a Battlefield," "Son of a Preacher Man," and "Brass in Pocket."
And, of course, Dave and I did our duo bit for "Draggin' the Line." Always a good one.

It had been awhile since I'd gone out for a late night and around 1:30 I had been wanting to go home for an hour, but wanted to wait to split the cab fare.
Went up to Dave - "Are you almost ready to go?"
He was standing with his girlfriend, looked at a watch, looked at his beer, and shook his head.

'Nuff said. I was off.

I ended up walking home. Not much cash on hand.
Normally this wouldn't be a problem. It's not much more than a mile from the bar back to the apartment.
Of course, I was wearing unsensible shoes.
I mean really, what's a 5' 11" girl to do when going out but to wear boots that make her 6' 1"?
That combined with a little more of a chill in the air made it a long clomp home.
But I'm back, awaked, tired, a little hungover. But still glad I went out.

The odd origins of loyalty

2007-03-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

So, granted, I don't give a rip about college sports.
College, for me, was a place for figuring out who the hell you are without the stigma of sports or fraternities/sororities, etc.
Figures that I went to a college without a Greek system, and with one of the longest losing streaks ever in a football team.
(Although our women's soccer team turned out to be pretty spiffy - too bad I don't give a rat's ass about soccer.) But I digress.

I generally don't watch basketball, especially since the Celtics stopped being any good, oh, 18 years ago or so.
However, I do, intermittently get into NCAA basketball.
For absolutely no good reason.
Of course I have my brackets, but there's no money involved, simply a reason for me to stay remotely interested in the upcoming games.

Which is where I discover the aforementioned odd origins of loyalty.

I picked Notre Dame to make it to the Elite Eight, because of Charlie Weis and his football team.
So much for that, they lost.

I picked Illinois to make it to the second round, but no further, because, well, where do I live now?

I picked BC to make it a few rounds because, well, I used to live outside of Boston. Good enough for me. Go Eagles!

But, quite possibly the most irrational choice for random loyalty was my decision to take Southern Illinois to the Final Four. Not to win, mind you, but still.
I currently play on a pool team on Tuesday nights. We play out of a bar called Lincoln Station.
This is our first season out of there.
Prior to this season, we played at a bar called Saluki's.
That's right. The Southern Illinois Salukis would be the team I have advancing to the Final Four.

Meh, whatcha gonna do?
Like I said, there's no money involved and, so far so almost good.
We'll see.

Hey, if nothing else, it's a fine diversion for the last umpteen days until opening day, right?
Right.

Happy Pi Day!

2007-03-14T13:59:00.000-05:00

Mmmmmmmmmm.....Pi.

Precious

2007-03-13T12:34:00.000-05:00

Found this pic over at My Baseball Bias, a nifty AL East blog and thought I'd share.

Now, as long as they aren't this nice to each other come the regulare season, we should be alright.
And oh yeah, a belated Woo Hoo! for the Sox beating the Yankees in the meaningless Spring Training game last night. Couldn't watch it here, but was happy to see the final.

The Target Conspiracy

2007-03-11T20:31:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, I bought one of those cheap, crane-neck, halogen bedside clip on lamps from Target.
Cheap, utilitarian, all good.
About a month ago, the bulb blew.
No problem, right?

Not so much. Not Jewel, not CVS, it seemed no one carried the replacement bulb. Including Target.
Surely they wanted me to simply buy another lamp instead.
Managed to find a lower wattage equivalent, but still, not the right bulb.
I dunno, made me a little snarky.

In general, I don't like running errands on the weekend as everyone else does and the stores are crowded.
However, it is only during the weekends that I can go out and still find a reasonable parking spot to walk home from upon my return.

Pit-stopped at Trader Joe's for my refueling of wine, yogurt, and berries for said yogurt.
An interesting place, TJ's. I love it, really, but on the weekends it seems to be populated not by the frugal shopper, but by those who frequent the CB2 next door and other higher end type shopping places.
As stated by the wife in an elderly couple in line behind me not too long ago, "The Yuppies are busy today."
Seemed about right.
I used to be one, you know, pre unemployment.
But now I seem to be a little more sensitive to them, with their Gapkids in tow, taking up space, taking far too long to deliberate the merits of Shrimp stir-fry vs. shrimp stir-fry with pasta and shrimp stir-fry with rice. But maybe it's just me.
Thankfully, I'm well aware of my TJ's staples and their locations and managed to get out of there without too much delay.
However, I did get called ma'am and didn't get carded, so felt a little deflated nonetheless.

In the end though, early daylight savings should prove good for my season effective disorder, and, of course, 58 degree weather with sunshine didn't hurt.
Think I might actually try going to the gym tomorrow. maybe my legs'll start working for me again.

All in all, in better spirits than I was last week.
Opening day is approaching, the Pats are making some pretty stellar off-season acquisitions.
I find myself cautiously optimistic again, even hopeful, if you can believe it.

Passing fears

2007-03-05T16:10:00.000-06:00

So, yesterday scared the crap out of me.
I woke up at 10AM, when I had set my tv to turn itself on so I could watch the last half hour of George Stefanopolous.
Things got weird, and pretty damn frightening.

I've experienced sleep paralysis before, when your mind wakes up but your body doesn't and you can't move, even though you're aware and want to.
Happens more often than I'd like, but I've become kind of used to it. It usually passes after a few minutes, fifteen max.

I was unable to move or get out of bed until 2PM.

I just lay there, freaked out.
Tried to talk, nothing. Turns out my roommate wasn't home anyway, so that didn't matter.
But for a few, terrifying hours, I really felt like I was circling the drain.
Not a pleasant experience, although by 1:30 or so, I'd kind of made some kind of peace with everything.
I wouldn't say I was ready, but I was more ok than not.

Turned out, that proved unnecessary, since, you know, I'm here and typing and all.

A Lunar Connection to the Past

2007-03-03T21:34:00.000-06:00

I was standing at my kitchen window, looking at the moon.
Missed the eclipse but, for lack of living in Europe, Asia or Australia, that was likely to happen.

I've had a long-standing relationship with the moon, one that was made clear to me when I was a child.
I remember mornings when I would whine to my mother about an unusually rough night of sleep.
"Well," she would say, "that's to be expected. It was a full moon last night."

Apparently, my grandmother, my father's mother, had similar issues with the waxing and waning of the moon.
This somehow made sense to me. Felt special.
Even before, I recalled driving home in my parents' car. Looking out the window, watching the moon follow us home.
Of course, at the time, I wasn't well versed at all about how astronomical guideposts tended to appear fixed in the sky during short periods of time. Didn't matter. I felt as though I was connected to that celestial body.
And now, with this new information, I was reconnected with my grandmother.
She died when I was in the fourth grade, but I still feel connected to her.

I was her favorite, and, let's be honest, it feels wonderful to be on the receiving end of that kind of affection.
She had always had some issues with my mother (go figure, being the mother-in-law) and had, too, trouble with my older brother. But I was the baby, and was so encompassed by her love that I always knew there was a haven of affection in her bedroom.
I would go there, talk to her, weed through her drawers, playing with scarves and costume jewelry.

She was also the first to have me look at the world differently.
I was in her bedroom, sitting with her, the day after a heavy snow.
She pulled up the curtains and shut off the lights.
And suddenly, magically, I was faced with this world I'd never seen.
A world covered in snow that, even though it was night, glowed on the landscape.
I was entranced, looking at the too familiar trees and shrubs now defined only by the snow gently covering them.

I wish I could know her now, now as a fully developed person, with ideas and thoughts, not just the needs of an eight year old.

She was a chemist. Almost unheard of for an eastern European woman in the mid 1900's. A woman who, along with her sisters, helped her family, and, of course, my father, survive the holocaust of World War II, losing her husband and countless others in the process. Changing her name to one that sounded less Jewish to enable said survival. An extraordinary woman.

I wish I could talk to her now, convey to her just how remarkable she was and still is in my memories.

So, on nights like tonight, I look into the sky, see the moon, and think of her.

A Propos of nothing

2007-03-01T22:56:00.000-06:00

I just caught myself thinking - go figure.
I was thinking about when I was living in or, more regularly visiting Massachusetts.
When I was there, chance are, I would take the T into Harvard Square where there was, invitably, a panhandler en route to wherever it was I might have been going to.

It just struck me, recently, belatedly, how rough it must be for those guys in the days of the debit card.
I vividly remember getting to Harvard Square, with the remnants of my round-trip T token residuals, happy to give the remaining 15 cents to the bum en route to the "insert high school hippy crystal sales shop here" store.

I can only imagine how rough it is now for the pan-handler.
Truth be told, I almost never carry cash. At all.

A few weeks ago, the Street Wise, sanctioned panhandler, hit me up on my way into the CVS near my apartment. I responded, honestly, I don't have any cash on me.
She was fine with that but said, "Well, if you pick up a can of cat food, that'd be outstanding."

I was floored. This was, honestly, the first time someone had hit me up for money and was perfectly ok with not getting it, and, more specifically, ok with getting something that was relatively worthless come trade-time.

So, even though I'm unemployed, I bought a can of 9 Lives and gave it to her on my way out.
She was unbelievable grateful. Gave me two months worth of the Street Wise periodical even though the sum total of my purchase given to her was less than one dollar.

Definitely gave me food for thought.

Along similar lines: My meals, over the last month, have been obscenely boring (chicken with asparagus, or stir - fry) and ridiculously without change.

Only this time, I am more that willing to see how grateful I should be for this regularity, albeit boring, presentation of sustinance.

Things not to do when drunk

2007-02-26T13:54:00.000-06:00

Text message exes.
Email - anyone.

Feeling a little remorseful today. But that's what I get.
A little too tipsy, a little too honest, and today, a little too hungover.

And just like that

2007-02-25T11:20:00.000-06:00

It's gone.
They had us all geared up for all this ice, and today, it's 40 degrees out.

So maybe I will be productive, we'll see.

First, coffee.

PostScript: So much for that. Snow has taken the place of ice.
Quite lovely, most picturesque, but it's supposed to continue for three more days so we'll see how enamoured I am with it's beauty come Tuesday.

The Ice Storm Cometh

2007-02-24T20:37:00.000-06:00

After three days of winter storm advisories and warning, the predicted ice storm has started.
Actually, it started about two hours ago.

Bottom line: I should've gotten things done today while it was still tolerable outside.
Uber gusty winds combined with living not too terribly far from Lake Michigan pretty much means that I'm not going to bother scraping the Salt Lick car of mine to run errands tomorrow.

But really, why would I want to? I have enough groceries to get by until the next warm up and, considering how I've embraced the sin of Sloth of late, it's not like I was going to go to the gym tomorrow anyway, although it had, albeit briefly, crossed my mind.
Besides, I've got prime parking real estate right now. Managed to snag a spot right outside my apartment, so why jeopardize that?

So, I'll be remaining a latch-key kid this weekend.
Not that I have the cash-flow to consider going out again anyway.
I've got pool league on Tuesday, so it's just as well that I reserve my currency for that outing.

Most impressive

2007-02-22T14:15:00.000-06:00

Today is my parents' wedding anniversary, and, contrary to what appears to be the norm, they are, in fact, still married.
I think it's 38 years now, but I might be off by a year in either direction.

In any case, I think it's downright impressive.
They love each other to bits and that's not something that goes away over time, at least not for them.

Anyway, inspiring to me.

One good thing about bad water pressure

2007-02-18T21:08:00.000-06:00

Over the past week, the water pressure in my shower has gone from poor to non-existent.
This can be an issue when tackling the ever challenging Jew-fro.
My hair is an entity unto itself.
Especially in the summer, my friends and I refer to my hair as a separate being.
Case in point - 90 degrees out? "The Jew-fro is displeased." And, visibly, large.

Well, for lack of water pressure, I can barely get the water to penetrate my hair, let alone sufficiently clean, condition and rinse.

As a result, I sit here, some 14 hours later, with admittedly curly (duh) but curiously subdued hair.

This may not seem like a big deal to anyone but, for me, who wakes up with dredlocks on a daily basis, it's a damn revelation.
Clearly, not sufficiently rinsing my hair leaves residual schmutz that tames the savage beast that is my mane.

Nonetheless, other aspects of showering have definitely suffered. Like, say, rinsing off in general. Not to share to much but, my hair is not the only part of me with residue.

Landlord has been informed. Theoretically, despite the "holiday" a plumber will be arriving tomorrow to assist. I won't exactly be holding by breath but will, in the meantime, be showering exclusively at the gym.

Post Script - It's now Monday, 10:40AM.
All fixed.
All clean.
Fastest landlord turnaround time ever. A rare surprise and treat.

Baby Steps

2007-02-16T20:35:00.000-06:00

So, I don't make New Year's Resolutions.
They never stick.

The weight loss attempt thing is ongoing, perpetually, so certainly not worthy of a once-per-year declaration.

One thing I did consciously attempt was to stop biting my nails. Go figure, the big girl who smokes has an oral fixation.
Finally, something I was capable of accomplishing and did, in fact, do.

Observe.

So, if nothing else, I've accomplished one goal, albeit minor and otherwise unimportant when compared to my other, ongoing goals.

But there you have it.
Yay, me!

Abusing Blockbuster every chance I get

2007-02-16T17:20:00.000-06:00

For the President's Day weekend, Blockbuster is trying to lure away Netflix users.
Through the 21st, one can bring in the address stub from Netflix and trade them in for free rental.
Looked through my paper trash, found four labels.
So, my weekend, if housebound, is set.

Coupla bottles of wine,
Four rentals,
All for the price of a coupla bottles of wine.

Pretty damn spiffy

2007-02-15T17:20:00.000-06:00

I got my email alumni newsletter from Macalester today, and it included this picture:

One of the math professors there, along with a team won 2nd place in the 2007 Breckenridge International Snow Sculpture Championships (never heard of it, but congrats to them anyway).

Me, I love music, so it's pretty nifty to see a 3-D G Clef, in snow no less.

Ahhh, winter in the city

2007-02-14T22:00:00.000-06:00

As I write this, I can hear a car outside, spinning it's wheels, trying to extract itself from the snow laden curb to which it is attached.
I'd go out and help, really I would, but A - I already did that twice today - it's cold out there! and B - I've transitioned into nighttime loungewear, thoroughly ill-equipped to go out and provide assistance.
In fact, I'm guessing that, by the time I'm done with this post, said motorist will be free and along his or her way towards whatever their final destination may be.

Bottom line, it's days like today that I truly appreciate living in a city.
The Captain Jessmobile is still buried under snow, next to snow, abutted by snow and would require considerable effort to remove, only to find the spot taken once returned to.
That said, I'm glad I can walk a mere block and change to a CVS. Granted, not a grocery store, but still enough to tide me over until the good sun does it's work and allows me access to my car.

If nothing else, I can wait until the weekend when there will be more parking spaces awaiting me upon my return from whatever grocery trip I may pursue.
See, the thing is, I live about a block and change away from a train stop so, during the day, the available parking spots are quickly harvested by those from outside the neighborhood who descend to shorten their journey to and from the train.

I'm patient.
I'll wait.
And in the meantime, here's to frozen veggies and half cases of diet soda.

And.....the motorist has been freed.

Cheers!

Incidental musical Rorschach Test

2007-02-14T15:11:00.000-06:00

I know it's random, it's on shuffle after all.
Just interesting how my itunes shuffles my music library.

The last ten songs I've listened to:

Thoughts of a Dying Atheist - Muse
I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance
Novocaine for the Soul - Eels
Serenity - Godsmack
The Remedy - Abandoned Pools
The Killing Jar - Siouxsie and the Banshees
Ugly - The Exies
Breathe - Nickelback
Aenima - Tool
Feeling Good - Muse

Kinda works.
Kinda full circle.

I don't know, but I like it anyway.

Exhausting

2007-02-13T22:31:00.000-06:00

I remember when I was a kid that there was this coach that said that, for a good cardio workout, go running on the beach.
A whole lotta good that does me.
Little access to a beach and, oh yeah, I don't run.

In any case, we've been inundated here with snow over the last two days.
Not a big issue, seeing as how I'm pretty much a homebody these days.

However, I had pool league tonight, which requires walking to the train, and then to the bar from the train stop.

Let's begin with my departure.
Big ass snow drift in my front yard so, as I descend the porch steps to the sidewalk, I don't realize that the last step is under snow, so I put my full weight on what I think is the sidewalk.
Took a header into the sidewalk.

Thankfully, (and I can't believe I'm saying this) no one had shoveled the sidewalk, so I actually had a fairly soft landing into a snowdrift.

Then onto the train. Big, clunking steps through the snowdrifts to the trainstop.
Wait twenty minutes on the platform, hop the train.
Get off to transfer.
Wait twenty minutes on the platform, this one without heat lamps (I know, waah, right?).
Then to my stop.

Then the requisite two block stomp through more snow drifts until finally, my destination.
Believe it or not, this is the most precarious leg of the journey.
For whatever reason, there is a massive slope to get to the actual front door of what is now my home bar for pool league.
Thankfully, the door was in the process of opening with a departed guest or else I certainly would've taken a header without the door to grab onto.

In any case, made it there, a little bruised, but nonetheless.
Love my team. Love hanging out with them.
I lost two of my five games, unfortunately, reducing me to a season 17 and 4, until today, I was in first place individually and held the women's record for start to a season. (I was 14-0 before my first loss).
Irrelevant, of course. This pool league is a team sport, so all I care about is our team's overall win-loss percentage.

I took off early, once my games were done.
At the time, we were losing, so I don't know how the night ended up.

Bottom line though, by the time I got home, trekking again through now larger snow drifts, I was more than ready to crash.

Which is what I'll do now.
Good night all.
Drive safe - it's a mess out there.

Latch Key Kid

2007-02-09T21:49:00.000-06:00

Although I haven't truly been one since I was in junior high, I find myself now, a latch-key-kid.
Short on funds. Ok, let's not be nice about it, I'm downright destitute.
Having paid the rent and the month's bills, I'm without funds for the rest of the month, aside from the joint bills that my roommate will pay back to me during the course of the month.

It's an interesting prospect, actually, having to spend one's time indoors.
Netflix only does so much and one tires of online video games after a time.

I would go back to crocheting but, now that winter has almost run it's course, almost no one needs a scarf at this point.

I find myself revisiting and, revisiting again, tv shows that I have access to on DVD either through me, my roommate, or Netflix.

Dave is out, who knows where. Probably with friends or his girlfriend.
Must be nice. I'm only slightly bitter since, if I did have his share of the bill money, I still wouldn't be able to go out, it would only enable me to buy groceries for the rest of the month.

I did find a wonderful thing, though.
A friend of mine on my pool team celebrated her birthday yesterday.
The gathering took place at a tapas resaurant remotely near my neighborhood.
Thanks to some friends in the know, I was able to pre-purchase $25 worth of grub for, get this, five dollars. A great find for the destitute.
I henceforth went to the gathering, ordered maybe $15 worth of food and felt downright magnanimous giving fifteen dollars to the cause.
Didn't eat much, but got to hang out with both friends and friends by proxy for a minimal total.

Bottom line: It's a rare treat to go out with friends with money and not have it thrown in your face that you have none.
All it cost me was the admission of destitution to the host.
She already knew about my situation, so I lost no face.
A good time was had by all and I had some pretty tasty tapas and sangria.

However, truth behind the tale time, I had made her a scarf as a gift, a really nice one, if I do say so myself.
So, I left my apartment, hopped the bus to the train.
Was about halfway to the train when I realized that I forgot her scarf.
Got off the bus.
Crossed the street.
Hopped the bus back.
Went home.
Got the scarf.
Left.
Waited a half hour for the next bus to the train.
Mercifully, once I got to the train stop, the train arrived almost right away.
Got off. Walked half a mile (in 5 degree weather, thank you very much)
And still arrived on time. Actually, I was the third of thirteen people to arrive, so I was very timely.

In any case, good times. Good tapas. Good sangria.

And there you have it.
Maybe one of these days I'll be back with something substantive.
Until then, who knows.

Yep, "The Bears Still Suck"

2007-02-04T21:19:00.000-06:00

I haven't heard that song in years and, chances are, I won't be hearing it around these parts any time soon.
My buddy Tom used to play it from time to time while DJ'ing at a bar I went to while living in St. Paul, MN, just to cheer up the Vikings fans there. Plus, he's a die-hard Packer-Backer, so, cheered him up too.

The first half was as fun and exciting a Super Bowl half as I've seen in years.
The second half? Not so much.

"the pride and joy
of Illinois"

Again, not so much.

Ah well.
Again, don't really care.
Still, pissed off the Colts won, and even more so that Peyton "What's in it for me via commercials?" Manning won MVP. Shoulda given it to the Bears lack of offense. Or to Dungy, but that's just me. Frickin' tool.

Part of me is OK with the Bears losing for purely spiteful reasons, as ashamed as I am to admit it.
Fact of the matter is - my roommate is dating a psycho Bears fan.
That's not the problem. I actually like her a lot - although, admittedly, I can't listen to her voice for more than an hour at a stretch.
The problem stems from her complete stolidness with her fandom.
Case in point. I am, of course, a die-hard Red Sox and Patriots fan.
However - I am willing to root for the Bears when they are not playing the Pats and likewise for the White Sox when they are not playing the Red Sox.
She, on the other hand, adamantly declares hatred for both of my teams and is unwilling to even offer respect, if not appreciation.
This, my friends, makes me more than ok with the Bears losing.

Childish, I know. But, for lack of being intentionally, verbally rude, this is all I have to go on for the time being.

Enough. Football's officially over, unless you count (and who honestly does?) the Pro Bowl.

Goodnight Blogosphere.

Funny, I thought I'd left Minnesota

2007-02-03T21:07:00.000-06:00

We are deep in the midst of a cold snap.
Currently 2 degrees, with an anticipated windchill of minus 25-30 degrees.
Lovely.

Walked to the CVS down the street and made the mistake of breathing while wearing a scarf. My breath hit my glasses and froze instantly, leaving me to remove them and make my journey completely blind. Thankfully, there was no ice on the ground or I'd be making this post in traction.

The Captain Jessmobile is back in commission but has fully embraced it's Winter name of The Salt Lick.
If I were still living in Minnesota it'd be attracting deer at this point.

So, I find myself rethinking my plans for Super Bowl Sunday.
Not sure I'm ready to venture out again, only to be surrounded by more than one's share of psychotic Bears fans.
But we'll see.

Enjoy the weekend.
I'll be dreaming of warmer days, and Spring Training.

If only I cared

2007-01-30T23:33:00.000-06:00

I have yet to live in the city that I want to have win a national title.
I was living in Chicago all three time the Patriots won the Super Bowl.
Likewise, I was living in Chicago the one time in my lifespan the Red Sox won the World Serioes.

I honestly, really and wholeheartedly, wish I really cared if the Bears won the upcoming Super Bowl.
Sadly, I can't.

Naturally, I would prefer that they win, versus the alternative of the Colts who eliminated my precious Patriots, but, beyond that, I really don't give a rat's ass.

At this point, all I'm concerned about is finding a spot at the bar before the game starts on Sunday.
I want the Bears to win, naturally. But, more importantly, I want to be able to sit among Chicagoans as I watch it take place.
While standing room only maybe something relegated to transplants, I think I've lived here long enough to warrant my own seat. Dammitt.

As long as people hush up during commercials and the Colts don't win, I'm a happy camper.

Despite '85-86 - Go Bears!

No money. No car. No good.

2007-01-26T12:59:00.000-06:00

The Captain Jessmobile died the other day.
Hopefully it will be resusitated shortly.
It's not really dead, just the battery. And maybe the alternator, won't know til it's checked out.

Just had it towed.
Just gave the tow-guy all my cash, plus five of Dave's dollars.

Thinking I'll be experiencing a little cabin fever for today, which is a shame, since I actually really wanted to hit the gym.

Ah well. I'll get my car back tomorrow, and start anew.

On the bright side, it's finally warmer again, so I enjoyed the 39 degree weather as I waited for the aforementioned tow-guy.

The Sports Tabula Rasa

2007-01-25T11:10:00.000-06:00

I am now, finally, over the Patriots loss from Sunday.
I'm not yet over the Colts win, but that's another story.

In any case, I'm using today to wipe the slate clean.
As I type, the cleansing has begun.

Everything Boston/New England is getting cleaned today.
From the Patriots T-Shirt, to the 12 Jersey, to the Varitek T-Shirt, to the "Why not us?" T-shirt.
Everything Boston sports-related is getting a cleaning, even if it doesn't need it.

We're starting fresh.
I'm ready.

Bring on Spring Training!

Crap.

2007-01-21T21:33:00.000-06:00

I'm pissed off. Dejected.
Crestfallen, if you will.

Crud.

Bottom line?
Well, for lack of another course of action.
Go Bears.....Dammit.

So annoyed. No words.

Destiny shmestiny

2007-01-21T09:44:00.000-06:00

It seems like everyone and their brother wants/expects it to be Colt - Saints in the SuperBowl. Everyone who doesn't live in New England or Illinois, that is.

I don't get it.
No, really, I don't.
I realize that the Saints are all feel-goody and I get that.
But the Colts? C'mon!
I have all the respect in the world for Tony Dungy and all that but Manning, with all his salary, commercials and, gotta say it, chokes, just doesn't deserve it.
I'm sick to death of this guy. Yes, we get it. He's a good quarterback. Fine.
He's also in a position to have to carry his team, and that's a shame - for him.

Enough, I gotta have some coffee and get ready to go to the bar.
Between the Bears game and the Pats game, as with last week, something tells me my ulcers will be having ulcers and that some time in the fourth quarter of game two I'll be having an aneurysm, as I pace about, freaking out.

That's it for now.

Oh yeah, GO PATS!!!!!!

What a shot!

2007-01-19T19:55:00.000-06:00

My friend Daphne sent me a picture of her cat, Pearline. My favorite cat out there.
Had to share.

Sassy. Sexy.

Love that mao mao!

Doom?

2007-01-18T11:42:00.000-06:00

The Doomsday clock has apparently moved two minutes closer to midnight.
It's now five minutes to Midnight.

Kinda creepy, but I remain unphased, for now.
Hey, at least it's not three minutes to, like it was in '84.

Because it can't be all about the Patriots

2007-01-16T11:43:00.000-06:00

Found this and it cracked me up.

The Simpsons, as anime.
Pretty nifty, actually.

Exhaling, now.

2007-01-15T21:49:00.000-06:00

Amazing what freaking out will do for one's tolerance of alcohol.

Yesterday I watched two insanely exciting football games.
The Bears game went into overtime, which freaked me out because, well, for lack of any kind of loyalty made me root for the Bears and, of course the Patriots game which, I can honestly say made me freak out as much as I ever have, with the exception of every game following game three of the ALCS when the Sox played the Yanks.

I was honestly freaking out, and pacing, all afternoon yesterday.
Funnily enough, I was actually creating concern amongst those who know me.
Mind you, if I were living on the East Coast, it wouldn't be an issue but since the very exciting Bears game was over, I was the only transplant in the bar freaking out about the Patriot's game.

Thankfully, all ended as it should and, currently, I'm looking at a rematch of the 1985-6 season, you know, when the Pats got reamed by the Bears.

Well, I think I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to a rematch. Of course, we have to beat the Colts first, and, the Bears have to beat the Saints, but, barring everything else, I'm looking forward to a little retribution.

Suffice to say, although I was young during the '85-86 season, I was old enough to care and be mortally wounded by the outcome of the Bears trouncing the Pats. While we may have won three SuperBowls since then, I still feel a need for retribution.

I'll let it go at that for now, I'll update should the need present itself, provided that the Pats and the Bears both win come this Sunday.

Postscript: I was kinda tipsy when I wrote this post, hence a lot of repetition and grammatical errors. I left it as is because, well, that's me.

Strange, even for me

2007-01-12T09:51:00.000-06:00

I fell asleep watching a dvd last night.
This morning my dvd player was blinking at me.
I opened it up, no dvd. I thought it had swallowed it.

I come out to the dining room to find a screwdriver to open it up and say to my roommate "I don't know how, but I think my dvd player ate a dvd."
He retorts "I don't know how, but I found a dvd in the toilet."

Yep, same one.
So now I'm sleepwalking? And if I am, I'm carrying dvd's to the bathroom in the middle of the night and chucking them into the toilet?

Something's got to change. I think it'll have to be me.

Still giggly

2007-01-08T12:14:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a weird, yet wonderful day. My cheeks are still a little sore from laughing and smiling. A nice change, I must admit.

So, I'm at the Globe watching football with John.
John is a football friend, which is to say that we only know each other at the bar, on Sundays. Here's the catch.
He's a Jets fan. Pretty much as psychotic about them as I am about the Patriots.

Earlier in the season, our teams played each other, we bet a drink.
I won the first one, he won the second. Yesterday was the rubber match. No bet, only honor.

Initially, he was just ecstatic that his team made the postseason and that was enough. Of course that lasted until yesterday.

I felt really bad for him, not the Jets, I'll always hate them, as with the Dolphins and so on and so forth.
Did I mention it was his birthday yesterday too? Yeah, felt really bad.

So we're sitting, watching, I'm restraining myself. Sitting patiently as he calls his brother to chant that damn JETS chant when they took the lead. Sat quietly again as my boys retook the lead.
Found myself apologizing to him when we intercepted the ball for another touchdown.

He then left, I then celebrated.

Went home, had some coffee, watched a little Star Trek and back to the Globe went I, for the holiday party.

It was a super fun, super drunk, late night.
There was dancing. On the bar. By me and others.
It was almost a little debaucherous, I have to say. I'm just sorry I didn't bring my camera, so no evidence or blackmail fodder will be found here.

So, on to San Diego with the Patriots, and on to the gym with me. I could use a little detox workout.

When in doubt, don't blog

2007-01-02T08:33:00.000-06:00

Hello all, hope your New Year's eves and days were fun and happy and safe and all that great stuff.

Haven't been posting lately. Haven't really wanted to.
The bottom line is, what's the point right now? I mean, all I really have to type about are things that I'm not really enjoying about my life right now and, let's face it, that's just a downer, so I'll spare you all.

What's good? Well, the Pats won on Sunday. A game that didn't mean much, but that cost them Harrison due to an injury. *sigh*
If nothing else, at least we're going into the post season on a winning streak, which is more than I can say for some other teams (like the omnipresent Bears, yeah, that's a shame).

What else? Well, baseball season isn't too far away. At least, Spring training isn't, so my optimism is looming, off in the distance somewhere.

And there you have it. Be well.

Home-ish, Alone-ish for the Holidays

2006-12-24T19:56:00.000-06:00

While it's true that I call Chicago home, it's not really what springs to mind when I think of the phrase "home for the holidays."
I'm from Massachusetts and will forever consider that to be my home for the holidays.

Hence the -ish.
I'm in Chicago tonight for the last of this year's holidays.

Also alone. -ish.
There is the ever-present Spawn of Satan that I call my roommate's cat, Mia.
While Dave is out of town, I'm here, with the cat.

Have I mentioned she doesn't really like me all that much? Which is a shame, because I love animals.

However, I do have my fun with her.
She's a weird-ass cat to say the least.
Won't let me pet her unless I catch her mid-nap with nowhere to go, or if Dave is home and holding her at the time.
However, she will deign to allow me to give her treats, the good cat food that she doesn't otherwise get (you know, the wet kind, in a pouch) and catnip.

Herein comes the fun.
I know it's nothing unusual but, she still cracks me up.

Every time I come and sit in front of my computer, I turn on my desk light - a high beam halogen light necessary for me in my relative blindness.
Within two minutes, suddenly stealth-cat is there, five feet to my left. Waiting.

I then use my headphones and swing them around, casting a shadow.
She will chase this shadow around and around more times than any dog questioning if this is really the spot he wants to lay down in.
Cracks me up. I'll offer her the real wire to bat around. Nothing doing. She'd rather be fooled by the shadow and pounce on phantoms.

Anyway. Banal, I know, but having finished watching some pretty damn exciting football today (Go Pats!), it's kinda fun to chill out here, peruse the blogs, and fuck with the cat.
The stoned cat. Gotta love catnip.

In any case - here's to a healthy and happy end to the holidays for all.
And, as always, here's to the best for everyone in the coming year.

55 Degrees Farenheit

2006-12-22T11:26:00.000-06:00

Have I mentioned it's December 22nd?
That's officially Winter and all.

Mid-fifties at the end of December kinda freaks me out.
While I love the benefits of Global Warming from time to time (and curse them in the summer) this is a little ridiculous.
It's raining for crying out loud!

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now.
Back with a real post later.

As Close as I Get to Faith

2006-12-15T10:18:00.000-06:00

I'm not a religious person and, admittedly, not a terribly spiritual one.
I've long held that I don't believe in an afterlife, adding however that, my life extends as long as there are those who knew me or were affected by something I had done.

Then, several years ago, I read a short story in the New Yorker that crystallized it perfectly for me. It basically illustrated that thought exactly as I had thought it.

Then I lost the issue and forgot about it.

Since then, I've tried to track it down but couldn't remember the name or the author, or issue, etc.

Found it today.

Really is a good read. I've already printed it out to avoid losing it again, and am offering it up as my recommended reading for the day.

Here it is. Enjoy!

And oh yeah, Happy Hannukah.

In Absentia

2006-12-09T22:38:00.000-06:00

Where's my best friend?
In a word: Absent.

And I can't really begrudge him that.
His life is going swimmingly lately.
New girlfriend. New job. Good shit. Really.

However....

Thursdays used to be ours days. Roommates night out, if you will.
Then he started training for his bike ride.
Then my favorite bartender stopped working on Thursdays so it all became moot anyway.

Then, thank goodness, football season came around and Sundays were our days again.
Out watching the games, even on Monday when our team played each other (ie: Patriots vs. Vikings).

But even then, that became a rarity.
Despite the inherent rivalry (his girlfriend's a Bears fan) he has become spoken for on Sundays as well.
So I'm a little sad. Crestfallen, if you will, for, even though we're roommates, we don't really spend any time with each other, at least, not on purpose, and it feels like the last excuse to has fallen by the wayside.

Of course I wish the best for him with this new love interest, and, admittedly, I do enjoy having the apartment to myself when he spends the night at her place but, nonetheless, I miss my friend. He is at least as much my brother if not more than my biological brother is, and yet, though my bio brother lives further away, I feel the distance is at least equal. Makes me a little bummed. Especially since, while his life is going well, my life isn't and I feel like there's no one close by to commiserate with.

I'm sure this will pass (my glumness mind you, hopefully not his happiness) and all will in some respect return to some flavor of equillibrium but, until then, well, I'm a little extra sad, ontop of my inherent, if medicated, depression.

And for those that know my to comment on the Red Sox - well, actions on their part have been to confusing for me to comment on of late.

Hope everyone else is doing well.
Go Pats!

Just how many teeth does a girl need, anyway?

2006-12-04T12:15:00.000-06:00

Apparently, at least one less than I had yesterday.
I, accident-prone as I am, cracked a tooth down the middle on Friday night and finally had it taken care of today.
Now, before you start thinking of wondrous ways this could have happened, sorry to disappoint. I cracked it eating a nacho chip.
I guess that's what I get for not steering clear of the junk food that night.

In any case, having spent the weekend in severe pain and having used up the last of my Vicodin to get to sleep, and then resorting to booze (football was on, after all) I was more than happy to shell out $250 (thank you, MasterCard) to have that bad boy ripped out.

Of course, one has to wonder why it costs that much to yank a tooth, but, as I sit here, still numb and a little drooly, I'm just glad it's out.

Typing in a Winter Wonderland

2006-12-01T10:51:00.000-06:00

As I sit, we're about halfway through an early winter storm that promises between six and twelve inches of snow.
Thus far, very picturesque. Very clean.
I always enjoy the first real snow of the season, especially when I don't need to drive in it, as today. One thing is a certainty, with the first snow, the average driver completely forgets how to control a vehicle in said snow, be it one inch or seven, so, I am quite content to stay indoors and save my road rage for another day.

Anyway, Oklahoma. I was there last week for Thanksgiving, visiting my brother and his wife, as well as my parents.
It was actually quite a pleasant visit.
The weather was gorgeous, between 68 and 72 degrees each day, sunny and beautiful.
An interesting thing though. Since they tend to have thirty-plus days in a row in the summer of triple digit weather (and no, I will not be visiting in the summer) the grass everywhere is made to withstand that kind of heat. Therefore, once the temperature dips (sic) into the 80's and below, the grass hits hibernation mode.
Thus, while I visited, all the grass was brown/beige. Just kinda interesting.

Also, guns are legal and apparently everywhere. I didn't see anyone carrying one, but I did notice in various building entrances the "No Weapons Allowed" sign, specifically, the entrance to the law library building which houses my brother's office. Odd, and a little unnerving, but, as I was constantly reminded, it is the south.

All in all, a really nice stay. It's always good to see family, and much easier when there are several of us there to deflect conversations and discomforts. I always get along with my parents better when my brother's around. They tend to pay less attention to me then and as a result, I'm content. When I'm the only one there, we tend to focus on what's wrong with my life and, really, who needs that?

More later.

Oklahoma? OK.

2006-11-21T21:47:00.000-06:00

I'm off for the holiday. To Oklahoma City, no less.
My brother and my sister-in-law recently moved there so that he could take a professorship at the law school there. So, since they have been in-transit enough this year, my parents are flying there from Massachusetts, and I'm flying there from Chicago.

Should prove to be interesting.
If nothing else, the temp should be 68 degrees for the duration of my stay so that'll be nice.

Off we go!

Have a wonderful and safe holiday everyone.
Enjoy the tryptophan and the subsequent food comas!